Building Faith Away From The Church
It’s been over three years since I last set foot in a church.
For someone who spent 44 years of their life rotating between Christianity’s churches with the most rigorous and demanding worship models i.e. the highly structured Evangelical worship setting and the all-consuming, high-control environment of the Jehovah’s Witnesses—this absence isn’t just a break; it’s an earthquake.
Every now and then, I catch myself feeling that flicker of old, conditioned guilt. The urge to “get right with God,” to go and perform one more time, just to silence the internalized fear of divine retribution. That inescapable, toxic belief that I’m one wrong step away from the “bowels of Hell” or, perhaps worse, being eternally forgotten in Armageddon.
And that, right there, is the root of my departure.
The Performance Trap and the Hypocrisy
The systems I was in used guilt and fear not just as a warning, but as a primary tool to manage and manipulate behaviour. It was a treadmill of performance-based religion where my worthiness—my very salvation—felt contingent on my actions, my attendance, and my unwavering conformity to the rules laid out in Watchtower publications and the tenets of particular verses used by the Evangelical Pastors I encountered on a Sunday. There was no space for grace; only the constant, breathless striving to earn God’s blessing, acceptance, and forgiveness.
But what truly became unbearable was the hypocrisy I witnessed in certain leaders—the elders, the clergy, the figureheads. If the God they purported to represent was anything like the self-serving, judgmental, and image-obsessed men leading these communities, then I wanted absolutely no part of it. I walked away, not from belief, but from the unbearable weight of these institutions.
The Jesus Conundrum
My decision is part of a silent exodus. Every single day, thousands of people in the USA alone are walking away from the institutional Christian church. Doors are closing, and congregations are dissolving.
Yet, like over 70% of Americans, I still identify as a Christian. My problem has never been with Jesus. From my vantage point now, I see Him as history’s preeminent teacher of radical love, grace, and compassion—a model utterly worthy of being followed. My problem is entirely with the Church.
This left me with a profound dilemma—a core crisis of faith:
How do I follow Jesus now that I’ve jettisoned the institutional vehicles? My entire faith expression, the very texture of my spiritual life, had been utterly linked to a building, a schedule, and an authority structure. The Bible is clear: faith is communal. We weren’t built to do this alone.
How can one pursue the Christian faith without submitting to the institutional church?
The Eternal Flame: A One-to-One Faith Dialogue
This is why I started The Eternal Flame. It’s my path, and I believe, a path for many others, to cultivate a face to face 1 to 1 faith dialogue—forged not from obligation, but from shared wounds and shared hope.
Welcome to The Eternal Flame
The Eternal Flame is a safe harbour for people who still hold a kernel of faith but can’t, don’t, or simply won’t go back to the traditional church.
Perhaps you’ve lost faith in the system that raised you. Maybe you’re carrying heavy religious trauma from the rigidity of Evangelicalism or the spiritual abuse inherent in high-control groups like the Witnesses. Maybe your doubts and big questions—the ones that could get you judged or soft-shunned in a traditional setting—have been silenced for too long.
In our 1 to 1 face to face meetups, you will find:
- A Safe Place for Deconstruction: A non-judgmental reaction where your faith is allowed to fall apart so that you can examine the pieces.
- A Space for Reassembly: A person who understands your journey and will walk with you as you try to piece together a truer, more sustainable faith—a faith rooted in grace, not performance.
- Honesty and Reality: A place to ask your hardest questions, share your pain, and unpack the baggage of religious conditioning.
- Dialogue, Not Dogma: 1 to 1 chats centred on moving forward, not circling back to old, damaging patterns.
There’s no need to perform for God or for each other. No need to impress an elder or a pastor. If you long for a person with a listening ear that prioritizes healing, honesty, and Jesus over the politics of the institution, then welcome home.
Whoever you are, whatever your history—Ex-JW, Ex-Evangelical, or simply Exhausted—you belong here. I hope The Eternal Flame 1 to 1 face to face chats brings you the life, faith, and hope you’ve been searching for. Start spreading the word.
Click here 👈 to connect with Wayne the writer of this blog and start your personal journey toward Christ-centered clarity and freedom.